We won't sleep together?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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