I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
