Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
