you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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