I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
