based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
