at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
