You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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