nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just found puke in my bra..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
