Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
