I can tuck mytits in my pants
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
