I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
