I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
