i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
