can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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