I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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