I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
