So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
