Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
