Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
