there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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