I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
