I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
