Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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