i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
