I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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