well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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