he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
