i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize