Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
