He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just made my gag reflex go away.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
