He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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