At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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