Have you finally orgasmed yet?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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