Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
