woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
