i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize