normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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