There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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