he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
