Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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