New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
