Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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