dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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