Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
