I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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