I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
