think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
