I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
