I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
