I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
