Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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