so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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