The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
