we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize