Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
