i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
