Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
