Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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