i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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