Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
