Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
