My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize