Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
