I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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