this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize