stop calling my apartment porn island.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
