get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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