I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
