so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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