I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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